Mental Health, Recovery, and Me
By Jeff Allen
One of the things I try to bring to Pondoff’s Anonymous, as the only one on the team who is not an addict or in recovery, is a perspective on mental health when it feels relevant. Mental health plays a big role in addiction, and while I am not comparing the two, I suspect the way I maintain my own mental health often runs alongside recovery.
They are different things, yet they can sit in tension, like a kind of yin and yang. Separate, connected, familiar.
A Little About Me
I have lived with anxiety for as long as I can remember. Even as a kid, I would get nervous before simple things like family outings and beg to stay home. Looking back, those early feelings were the beginnings of something deeper.
In 2010, shortly after I got married, my doctor assumed I was dealing with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). The symptoms fit, racing thoughts, chest tightness, ER visits convinced I was having a heart attack, and the constant undercurrent of worry. I started medication and counseling, and for years I managed my life under that assumption.
In 2022, my general practitioner encouraged me to see a psychiatrist for a clearer picture. That is when I finally got an official diagnosis, Cyclothymia.
Cyclothymia is a mood disorder on the bipolar spectrum. It is not as extreme as Bipolar I or II, but it has its own challenges. People with cyclothymia experience ongoing mood shifts, periods of elevated energy or irritability, followed by stretches of low mood or depression. These swings are not always severe enough to meet the criteria for major depression or full mania, but they are persistent and disruptive. For me, it explained why I could go through weeks of restless energy, then suddenly hit stretches of exhaustion, sadness, or lack of motivation.
Putting a name to it gave me clarity. It helped me understand that my ups and downs were not random or a personal failing, they were symptoms of a real condition. Since then, I have been managing cyclothymia with a mix of medication, counseling, and everyday practices like mindfulness, breathing exercises, music, and keeping a routine.
Today
I do not write a lot, even though I enjoy it, but today I felt like writing because I am in one of those darker stretches of the cycle. The anxiety and depression are back, and I am trying to face them head on. That is not always easy, sometimes it is hard to even recognize what is happening until I am in the thick of it. Right now, I can see it. And because I can see it, I can hold on to hope. I know the fog will clear soon. It still sucks while I try to navigate the meantime.
What I Have Learned
The biggest lesson, mental health is not about fixing yourself once and for all. It is about learning how to manage the tension and live a meaningful life in the middle of it. Some days are easier than others. Being transparent about my struggles has helped me connect with people who are walking the same road.
Simple Mental Health
A while back, I started a podcast called Simple Mental Health. It is on indefinite hiatus, but who knows what the future could bring. Maybe it will live under the Pondoff’s Anonymous umbrella someday. If you want to listen to past episodes, you can find them here, simplementalhealth.me.
Why I Share This Here
At Pondoff’s Anonymous, we talk a lot about addiction and recovery. My story is different, but it overlaps in one key way, the need for honesty, community, and ongoing work. Whether it is addiction or mental health, these are lifelong journeys, not quick fixes.
That is why I share my story here. Maybe someone reading this feels the same swings and struggles, and needs to know they are not alone.